Photo credits: Tedx Talk
In 1987, Leslie Morgan Steiner was twenty-two, had recently graduated from Harvard, had been hired at Seventeen magazine, and had a boyfriend she loved. It seemed as though she had it all. Yet, in an unexpected turn of events, Steiner’s boyfriend violently attacked her five days before their wedding.
Steine explained in her 2013 TedTalk, “Why domestic violence victims don’t leave,” “He put both of his hands around my neck and squeezed so tightly that I could not breathe or scream, and he used the chokehold to hit my head repeatedly against the wall.”
Despite the pain, shock, and betrayal that Steiner likely felt, she ultimately married her abuser five days later. He told her that “he was very, very sorry, that it was an isolated incident and he was never going to hurt me again.”
This promise had been false. He attacked her twice more during their honeymoon. Still, she stayed with him for multiple years before they ultimately divorced.
Now, Steiner has spoken out about the misconceptions that many have about domestic violence victims, most notably why they stay in these abusive relationships, in her various speeches and books.
In an interview with Forbes, Steiner explained that domestic violence “hides in plain sight.” It occurs in every economic and educational level as well as every neighborhood, workplace, or school. Through speaking out about her trauma and experiences, she has connected with a copious amount of other women undergoing similar situations as her past self, thus empowering them to leave the abusive relationships that they may be in. This was only achieved through vulnerability and openness.
In the words of Steiner, “Society says to women from a very young age that the two most important things in life are 1) pleasing men and 2) being superior to other women– being prettier, thinner, sexier, younger. [...] Women need to say to hell with that.”
Women undergoing domestic violence can learn from Steiner’s example: it is oftentimes very difficult to escape physically abusive relationships, yet through finding the courage to do so, forming connections with supporters, and speaking out about experiences, one can empower others and contribute to the fight against domestic violence.
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